D-Day

So today is the day I’ve feel like I’ve been waiting an eternity for. I go into hospital at 2pm to have my brand spanking new insulin pump fitted. I’m not exactly sure what this afternoon has in store to tell you the truth, and I think it's probably best that I don’t know. I have this awful habit of over-thinking and playing out possible ‘what if’ scenarios in my head. These are just a few of today’s pre-pump panics:

1)      What if... it hurts?

Ironically, I’m terrified of needles. Always have been, probably always will be. Before I was diagnosed with diabetes you literally had to wrestle me to the ground for any sort of medical jab. I don’t see my insulin injections as ‘proper needles’ though. I think because I’m doing it myself, and I am in control, it’s different. Blood tests on the other hand are a different story. Just the thought of one makes me go all miserable and moody (for future reference, it’s probably best to keep out of my way when I am due a blood test). Between the ages of 15 and 20, I point blank refused to have my blood taken. Mind you, my consultant didn’t really spend a lot of time trying to convince me to get out of my strop and just have one taken. Maybe he cottoned on to my ‘divabetic’ ways early on, and decided it would be better to just keep the peace. My main reasoning for thinking it is going to hurt is because of how everybody reacts when I explain the pump to them. When I talk about the cannula connected to a little tube under my skin, people subconsciously screw up their faces and make ‘ooooh’ and ‘ahhh’ noises, as if I am poking them with a metal prod. So pain is a major concern right now.

2)      What if... It doesn’t work?

In my head, the second I am attached to my new pump I think that all my problems will be over and my blood sugars will be right as rain. This is an illusion. In reality, yes, my blood sugars should in theory improve, but that doesn’t mean I should go back to my naive teenager days and sweep my diabetes under the rug. Once I’m ‘pumping’ (not sure if I like this phrase yet) I will be at a higher risk of ‘diabetic ketoacidosis’ (DKA). If my blood sugars are extremely high for a constant time period, my body will use fat as an alternative source of energy and produce toxins called ‘ketones’. This is extremely dangerous, and fatal if untreated. As I explained before in my last post ‘Pump It Up’, the insulin pump only uses fast acting insulin so there is no need for me to take my long-acting insulin before bed. Whilst this is a good thing, if my pump somehow comes off, or isn’t connected properly, my blood sugars will quickly shoot up. Because there is no long-acting insulin in my system, they will rise twice as fast, increasing my chances of DKA. Sounds a bit scary. So now I am probably going to check my pump as often as my Mum checks that our passports haven’t gone walkabout at the airport.  

3)      What if... I don’t like it?

Whilst I am partial to the occasional lazy day every so often, the rest of the time I am quite a busy person. I am always on the go, whether it be off to work or coming back from a night out with my friends. Because I’m so active, I’m slightly worried that the pump will be a bit of a nuisance. I’m pretty certain that for the first few weeks I will be walking around clutching my pump like precious cargo, and keeping a safe distance from the rest of the world. What if someone knocks it when I’m out dancing, or on the underground commuting to work? I can’t remember a time when I haven’t been bashed and bumped in a club or on the tube. Making your way to a crowded bar, or forcing yourself into strangers just so you can squeeze into the last tube carriage is a battle and a half. I can’t be walking around at a snail’s pace for the rest of my life?! Also, what happens when I’m asleep? What if my parents or friends walk into my room one morning only to find that I’ve been strangled by my pump tubes in my sleep? OK, so maybe I’m being a little dramatic, but I am worried about accidently pulling it out during the night.

So now you know what is currently going through my head. I don’t have the answers to any of my above questions, and no-one can answer them for me. All I know is that my life is going to drastically change at 2pm today, and fingers crossed for the better.

Come back tomorrow for more on the different pumps out there, and a video diary of my first 24 hours ‘pumping’ (I think I like it!).

If you don’t hear from me, I’m probably still at the hospital having some sort of nervous breakdown. Kicking and screaming no doubt, like a true diva.